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Welcome to Jay in VA

This is my spot in the blogworld to rant and rave and ramble - three things I do extremely well - and to just talk about my life in general. My blog has opened up a whole new world to me, and I hope you enjoy reading and commenting! Please feel free to do both. I appreciate your feedback.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Dear Abby

Is there anyone out there who doesn't know who Dear Abby is? This was in her column the other morning:
DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 50s and overweight. I work hard, eat three meals a day and am - more or less - healthy except for sore feet after work. I'm aware of the medical warnings. Who isn't? But I have decided to accept myself as I am, relax and be happy.

For years, I have been hard on myself for not being slim. This is me in my 50s. I don't expect myself to be slim like I was in my 20s. Now I can smile, breathe easier, have a good time, and finally buy the new clothes I have put off buying until I was thinner. My new spirit is weightless and my new attitude has made my life more meaningful. Any thoughts?

- Living Free at Last

DEAR LIVING FREE: Only this: We all have choices to make about our health, what is important to us and how we want to live our lives. You have made yours, and at this point it appears to have been the right one for you. May it ever be thus.
You gotta love her! She told it like it is, even back in 1981!
As I read this, I kept thinking "I wish I could feel this way". But I don't. Not at all. Here's the similarities:
1) I am in my 50's and overweight. By a lot. Over 100 pounds overweight.
2) I work hard, eat three meals a day, and am - more or less - healthy other than sore knees after walking a lot. (Osteoarthritis will do that to you, 150 pounds extra weight doesn't help, either.)
3) I'm aware of the medical warnings. I had a doctor's appointment Tuesday to renew my scrips for blood pressure control (that losing 150 or so pounds would probably make unnecessary). Oh, I'm well aware of the medical warnings. The numbers from the lab are grim.
4) I have been hard on myself because of all this (more later on this particular point).

But that's where the similarities end.
1) I am NOT relaxed and happy.
2) While I don't expect to be as slim as I was in my 20's (which honestly wasn't very "slim", but "husky" perhaps), I should not be morbidly obese.
3) I smile a lot, because I've got a lot to be happy about, but I can't smile about this.
4) Nor can I breathe easier. While I'm not too worried about living until I'm 90 (yeah, right, I might make it to 70), I don't want to die tomorrow, either.
5) I can have a good time, but not always doing what I want to do.
6) I despise buying clothes. My look is "frumpy" because NOTHING looks good on my. Skinny jeans? HAHAHAHAHA Even ones that aren't baggy as elephant skin on a giraffe are not flattering at all. ALL shirts are polo/golf style, with t-shirts that are 3" longer in the back to avoid showing way too much of me when I bend over. Nothing looks fashionable, and if it does, it doesn't come big enough. I think I own stock in Omar the Tent Maker.
7) MY spirit, as far as my self-image goes, is far from weightless, and this attitude isn't meaningfully healthy at all.

It's great that Living Free at Last can make those super positive choices. I don't think I can.  

I hate myself for letting myself get into this kind of shape (mostly like a squishy lump of lard). I avoid mirrors (especially full length ones) like the plague. I hate how I look. I hate how I feel. For 30 years, I managed to keep up with a passle of 11-17 year old boys tramping all over the damn place - from the mountains to the sea.

But a bigger but. For some unknown reason, I cannot fathom why, with the self-loathing I feel almost all the time, I can't get motivated to do a damn thing about it. I come home from work, totally mentally shot. But this isn't any different than the year+ that I spent in the gym, 3-4 times a week. Working with a trainer every Saturday for a year. Losing 40 pounds, and NOT feeling my knees hardly at all. I walked all over England with nary a sore muscle. Yeah, I rode the train a lot, but you get what I mean. Now I'm almost back to not being able to talk to the damn mailbox without feeling like a ton of bricks is hanging on my back.

I'm back to eating shit food. Hardee's biscuits for breakfast. Subs for lunch. I still cook for dinner, and try to make some healthy stuff, but I swear it seems like carbs and fat lead the list, even when I try to make it all better with some spinach or green beans. It doesn't help when we have pizza at youth group, or I throw up my hands and just order some myself.

WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?! It sucks. It's not like I'm lonely or depressed (well, a little lonely occasionally, but I don't think I'm depressed). I've been busy at ROSMY. I'll be camping next weekend with about 400 cavers out in Bath County, VA  (but I sure won't be heading underground and act as an anchor for a group). It will be fun! I see friends regularly. But I cannot get this lack of exercise and crappy eating back in check.

OK. Enough of this pity party. But this is what has been on my mind for a couple of weeks. I leave you with this...


I just added this. I don't care if Honey Maid Graham Crackers are good for me or not, they are now my GO TO snack food (in moderation of course)!

51 comments:

  1. Hard post to comment on. I am 75 pounds heavier then I was 20 years ago. I can explain why, but ultimately I lost control of food and don't move as much as I should. All I can do it try to do better today. I can't change what I have done over the past 20 years.

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    1. Yeah, I get you, Travel. I put all this on since 2007. Long story (told elsewhere in this blog).
      Jay

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  2. I relate to a lot of this. I am at least 50 lbs overweight. AT LEAST. I know if I would stick to water and avoid sugar in all its forms (including white bread and pasta, cow milk, etc.) I would lose the weight easily and have so much energy. But I'm just not motivated to do it! I love the taste of all the things I shouldn't consume! I think it comes down to a mindset of food as fuel and nothing more :(

    Did you know that Ann Landers (also an advice columnist) was Dear Abby's sister?

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    1. I hear you, Brandee. My doctor told me Tuesday that if I'd cut wheat out of my diet for 3-4 months, all my numbers would be MUCH better, I'd lose weight, and I'd feel ever so much better. So I am thinking in that direction. I don't drink cows milk (though I love cheese), I use almond milk, and no sugar at all. Pasta is another story, but it will do if the wheat goes.

      And yes, I did know that about Dear Abby! They were twins. Did you know Dear Abby's daughter is now writing the column?
      Jay

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  3. I always say I have a simple theory about body weight. The body is like a math equation: body weight is the results of intake minus exit. Exercise might help but it is the eating that is the real culprit. Changing things seems simple, just eat less and shit more. The latter you don’t have much control over but the first you can totally control. It is just a matter of habit: you force yourself to change to eating less and better then it fairly quickly becomes a new habit. It takes some willpower but it’s worth some effort and a little discomfort. Soon it becomes second nature and the discomfort ceases. You will then find you enjoy what you eat better than you did before. A year ago I decided I was heavier than I wanted to be. In a relatively short time I lost 30+ pounds and am now about the ideal weight for my height. I really don’t miss the things and amounts I gave up. I still have a tendency sometimes to pig out and I do but I just have to remember how much better I feel at the lower weight and control these impulses. You can do it too, you just have to make up your mind to put forth the effort.

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    1. There is so much truth here. I need to make some pretty basic changes, the problem is in actually doing it!
      Jay

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  4. Due to health reasons..and lots of stress I lost a good amount of weight this year. I cut out all white bread, anything with fructose corn syrup, soda(sigh I miss pepsi and do fall of the wagon sometimes). We don't send out for food and this way I control the ingredients. But exercise I suck at. No really suck...I can walk but running is out of the picture with my knees. Cut out or change one thing at a time and see what happens. We want you around for along time

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    1. I intend to stop the "eating out" nonsense. Especially the 920 calories and 48% RDA Fat that I get at Hardees.
      Jay

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  5. I think you look great. I've been carrying around about 30 extra pounds since I turned 17. I was normal before 16, but moving to the US somehow did a number on me that has never been downplayed. But I am quite content with how I look, even if I still try to lose weight on a constant basis. As far as exercise, get a buddy if you can. Truly, grab a friend, bribe them with sugar-less sweets, and have them become your training buddies. I've found that I also find it very difficult to exercise after work... I get home by 6, then have to cook, eat dinner, pack lunch. Then chores... By that time is 9, and if I exercise right before bed I'm on like a light all night. Have you considered exercising early before work? I found that at the beginning, there was something I REALLY wanted to buy (cheap bento stuff), but I made it so I wouldnt get anything until I had completed 30 days in the gym. Indeed, the starting is the hardest part, followed by picking it back up once you drop it in a moment of weakness... but continuance isnt too bad.

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    1. I wish I could get my BFF to start going back to the gym with me. The best times there were with M. You are correct, getting going again is tough. But once I get there, it's all good.
      Jay

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  6. Oh Jay, I sure do feel for you, really. If you drop out wheat (gluten) you can still have your lovely pasta! Buy a gluten free brand, the best ones taste so similar to wheat pasta you wont notice. However....there isnt a single solitary brand of gluten free pasta that works in a cold pasta salad, sorry. The best ever brand is "Sam Mills" 100% Corn Pasta Pasta d'oro. TH was concerned about it tasting "right" and he loves it!

    You have fallen into the fast food trap, its easy, its available and ready when you want it. The only way I've been able to get around this trap, since its totally inedible for me is to make up a load of stuff at once, and freeze it into serving sizes. Then I can grab a container and eat nearly as fast as fast food. Make up a bunch of your lunch favs, some healthy breakfasts, and freeze em.

    The only difference between last year and now, is that you PAID someone to help you work out. And like most of us you are unwilling to waste that money by not showing up. So, fork out the dough again, and GO!

    hugs and whatnot

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    1. OOOOOOHHHH Thank you for the pasta suggestion. I was doing so well with my breakfast smoothies: Almond Milk, Greek yogurt, banana, blueberries...I'd fix it all the night before, the next morning, throw in some ice cubes, blend it, pour, and ON THE ROAD! It certainly takes no more time than Hardees (actually less because I can get on the parkway about ten lights sooner), costs less, and tastes at least as good.

      Lunch is almost always either veggie Chinese from the place that fixes it veggie for me, or a Subway Veggie Delight Chopped Salad (with little oil, lotsa vinegar), or leftovers from the night before.

      Yeah, I know I paid, but I pay monthly for the gym now. I am trying to pay off other stuff, so paying $60/week right now isn't going to happen. But I will figure out what I have to do to quit wasting the $43/month I pay anyway!

      Thanks!
      Jay

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  7. I don't workout because I hate my body... I workout because I love it.

    I know what you're thinking, "What do you know, you skinny be-yatch!" Since I'm well into my 40's, staying fit & trim has not been easy. I agree with many of the previous comments. Portions and exercise is what's worked for me.

    I also want you to know that your one good lookin' man. I always go back to the selfie you took at Bloggerpalooza... in the car with the shades. You looked so confident and cool.

    I'm rooting for you my friend!!!

    XOXO
    MAC

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    1. I know MAC. I love my body, spiritually. I wish I could convert that to PHYSICALLY!

      No, none of the "what do you know" stuff. I DO know. I just have to get motivated. That's the issue.

      Thank you so much for your compliment. It means a lot. But the selfies never show the LOWER half. Well, lower 3/4. 7/8? Anything below the chin? That's my problem. I really do appreciate that you recognized my GOOD pics. Siiigh...
      Jay

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  8. I know how you feel. I want to be healthier. And I have lost weight before. For me the hard part is getting back to it after falling off. It sounds so much easier than it really is. I wish you luck in your endeavor. *hugs*

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    1. Yep, Amanda, getting back on the horse isn't easy. I need a boost. Maybe all this will help!
      Jay

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  9. When I was in college I ate all I wanted and weighed 120 lbs. Sometime around age 30 my metabolism seems to have slowed down, and over the past 40 years I've gradually added another 60 lbs. My workday pattern was one jelly doughnut and black coffee for breakfast, canteen sandwich & black coffee for lunch (& sometimes a candy bar), meat & potatoes & veggie & ice cream &cocktail & wine & black coffee for dinner. On weekends the meals tended to be heavier, with an appetizer course before dinner. Since I retired, in 2000, I usually have bigger breakfasts and lunches, with beer at lunch, and I tend to snack (mostly peanut butter, sometimes cheese) but now I rarely have desserts. It seems to me that I am not significantly overeating, since my weight change is gradual.

    Anonymous at 7:17 p.m. doesn't mention burning calories as a means of "exit" to balance the intake. I think if I could force myself to walk to the drugstore almost a half mile away on level ground to buy the newspaper, it would do a lot of good. It would also help if I cut out the snacks and maybe made my mealtime portions just a little smaller. But just like you, I don't seem to have the will power to actually make those changes. I wonder if something similar to "cold turkey" is the way for me to go, rather than trying incrementalism.

    I guess this is the long version of saying that I think I understand how it is, and all I can say is, here's hoping you find something — or combination of things — that works for you.

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    1. Thanks, naturgesetz! I am consciously trying to do things like watch portion control, and walk more. If the knees weren't so shaky, I could, so thus the need to get back to the gym!
      Jay

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  10. this was a thoughtful and tender blog entry; well done !

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    1. Thanks, it wasn't easy to write, that's for sure!
      Jay

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  11. jay, please don't leave this world before your time is due. :(

    making my gym commitment was the best thing I ever did for myself. in july, I will celebrate my 3rd anniversary of weight lifting. eating, however, is a whole other story for me. but I have been trying to make changes over time, one item at a time.

    PS - go to arteejee.blogspot.com; spouse has a current post you wanna see! :)

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    1. I've spent a lot of time in the gym over the years. I think back about 1993 is when I first joined one. Still a member. I'll check out the spouse's post!
      Jay

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  12. Our dear Abby is Dear Deidre.
    I real appreciate your honesty and really liked your post. I'm sorry you feel this way though. My advice, if I can offer one, is to get some help. It's not easy doing our changing things alone. Try to find a walking buddy, a friend to go hiking, a personal trainer?

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    1. Oh, believe me, Nik, I'm looking for a gym partner. It absolutely makes things easier! A trainer costs a lot of money, though. But the results are astounding! Maybe as soon as I pay off some other bills, I can go back to personal training.
      Jay

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  13. Hello Jay
    I read this at work, at around 2:00 this morning, and I haven't yet come up with an appropriate (to my mind) response. If and when I do, I'll be in touch.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B

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    1. At 2AM, I'd be totally brain dead!
      Jay

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  14. I knew you were doing well last year, but didn't realize you had "back slid."

    Well, if you did it once, you can do it again...

    We know it's all about behavior modification.

    The weather is warming up, so you'll be able to get outdoors and be more active (me too...yea!!!)

    It sounds like you have plenty of room for improvement with your eating habits, but don't try to change everything all at once...try to substitute a "better" habit for a "not so good" habit.

    Do you snack? I have breakfast at 0530...a cup of green tea at 0700...an apple at 0900...a *small* bag (1.5 oz) of popcorn or peanuts at 1030...lunch at 1130...home at 1600 and 1/2 cup of trail mix and a square of dark chocolate...then I fix lunch for the next day, and have some supper around 1830, usually some soup, or bean n' rice, something lite and not too big a portion...repeat Monday through Friday...

    I *do* drink too much beer, and ususally pig out at least once on the weekend.

    But I do get to the gym twice a week, and try to get out for a moderately long walk twice a week...I'm convinced walking will be my salvation as I get older (and older...)

    I would try to cut out "eating on the run." Make time to eat wholesome meals and savor them, then do some "smart snacking" in between.

    I don't think talking to your mailbox will help much, but, hey...what ever turns you on...lol!

    Good luck!

    :-)

    -Andy

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    1. When I was eating better, I was eating less, more frequently, like you. I DO love my bourbon, but don't drink a lot of it during the week, I need to be alert for work.

      It is the eating of fast food that hurts a lot. Sometimes, it's just unavoidable, but if I'd hit the Quiznos for a salad instead of Arby's for a side of beef, it would be SO much better!
      Jay

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  15. Hi Jay,
    Sorry to hear about how you're feeling about the bod right now. I have been lucky in my weight control issues, but I do a few things consistently. I really believe that little things done all the time are what helps. You can't really change everything all at once, so pick a few small things. My small things are to never drink non-diet soda. Just cutting out the 100 or so (for just 1 !) soda every day will help. The best thing to replace soda with is water as water is required to metabilize fat. I also eat an apple on the way home from work in the car. It is good roughage, but that small amount of sugar and bulk cuts my appetite a lot so I want to eat less at dinner. I swear by that! Just this year, I decided to stop eating fast food french fries 90% of the time. I get the side salad instead. Fries are a special treat now.

    Roger

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    1. You're right, Dodger. Small things add up. I haven't drunk a soda in years (and now can't stand the stuff). My brother and his family drink it at breakfast FFS! And can't understand why they are always fighting "the bulge". I drink a lot of water - LOTS, like 4 or 5 44 ounce cups a day. I need to eat more fruit. Grocery shopping is on the list, apples are at the top! And fries I can do without, though I occasionally indulge.
      Thanks!
      Jay

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  16. I’m one of those lean guys who freaks out if they put on five pounds. I hit the gym three to four times a week but I fall off the good nutrition wagon too. Yesterday after work I drove to store to pick up a gallon of milk. I ended up buying potato ships too. I blew off the gym and sat in front of the TV and ate half a bag of chips. I felt guilty afterward. I’ll probably eat very little today and do some cardio after to work today to make up for my indulgence. I have body image issues and have never felt like I measure up to other guys. To sum it up, some of those in shape guys you see at the gym have food issues too. It’s just not as apparent from the outside that we may be starving ourselves in order to make up for a food binge.

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    1. I am going to be consciously avoiding the chips - I bought no-sugar, gluten free Ginger Snaps tonight, we will see if they are edible.

      I don't drink cow's milk, just almond milk, low fat, and better for me, but generally only in smoothies.

      I definitely feel like I don't measure up...well, actually I measure TOO FAR UP over other guys.
      Jay

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  17. Jay,
    A good friend of mine, who is almost my same height, some years ago decided he wanted to be slim like me and went on the Atkins Diet. He lost the weight but he looked terrible. Plus, he was miserable (not formerly happy like he was before) and almost killed himself with that diet. We went back to his former eating habits. He was much happier, made out whenever he wanted to (which was often) and found a slim partner who he's been with for 32 years now (who is taking care of him now because he has full fledged dementia but that's another subject). My point being is that Dear Abby was right. Whatever you're comfortable with, don't change. There is somebody out there for you (for your loneliness), you just haven't found him yet or more appropriately he hasn't found you. You're a good-looking guy, smart, funny, not selfish, and happy. Even though I've been in a long term relationship and am now married I was lonely for many years. Then out of the blue I found that perfect match or more appropriately he found me. Don't give up Jay. It will happen. I just hope you don't have to wait 71 years like I had to wait. But I do have to say the wait was worth it.

    Ron

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    1. I tried the Atkins Diet back in 1999. I lost a lot of weight. I felt like crap 24/7. And if you eat ONE F'ING BISCUIT YOU GAIN EVERY OUNCE YOU'VE LOST BACK INSTANTLY! So I'm off fad diets for good. Trying to reduce wheat products (or take them out completely). I think Dear Abby is right...once you've gotten yourself to a good place, stick with it. But I'm not at that good place yet. Thanks for the compliments, Mr. Tipton. I appreciate it very much, and it does help. I just wish I could be a little more good looking to myself!
      Jay

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  18. For whatever this is worth and I mean it in the kindest of ways, my sister was seriously overweight for years. Last year, she just couldn't take it anymore (after all the diets and pills and drugs and failures) and just had her stomach stapled (gastro bypass). It forced her to eat less. In 9 months, she lost 105 pounds! I can't believe my sister is back!
    She has to go back to the doc to have the air adjusted (whatever that means) and it helps stop her from over eating.
    I feel your pain Jay. I wish I could help. I've always been at least 20 pounds overweight but I accept it, try to eat right, walk but if a loaf of Italian bread walks into my house, he's history!
    I hope things work out for you. I only wish you the best. But sometimes gastro bypass (there are lots of new things coming out in the medical advances) maybe a solution. My sister's insurance paid a part of the cost and she paid OOP for the rest.
    Good luck in whatever you do!
    Cindi

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    1. Cindi, I have considered gastric bypass surgery. Normally, it requires that you lose at least 50 pounds pre-surgery. That's 1/3 of what I need to lose. If I could do 50, I could do 150. Also, I have two close friends who have had GBS. Both experienced severe side- and after-effects, those of the life threatening type with extended hospital stays and all that entails. That scared me to death

      It's great that your sister had none of those issues (and having the band adjusted is considered normal maintenance so it doesn't slip and cause life threatening problems). But I don't think I could risk it. It doesn't help that I am 55, thus "getting on in years" and therefore at more risk for a bad outcome.

      I appreciate your comment, I really do. If I were only 20 pounds over (and I have been most of my life), I'd be happier than a clam in sand. I hope that the medical industry finds real help for those of us who won't take "diet pills" or risk GBS (for whatever reason). Until then, I hope to make small changes and over time, get back on track to being healthier and LESS WEIGHTY!
      Thanks again,
      Jay

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  19. Like the other bloggers, I commend you on having the courage to write about this subject. You will remember from me last year that I am about 175 lbs. overweight. My weight has yo-yo'd over the years. Every time I have gotten down to an appropriate weight, it has the the result of food portion control and walking. The last time that I got down to 225 lbs. was in 1990 by eating only Lean Cuisine meals and walking 7 miles/day often with a neighbor. We would walk from my farm to the county airport a distance of 3.5 miles away. Unfortunately, then my muscular dystrophy began and I was not able to walk any distance any more and my weight started climbing to where it tapered off at my current level. I have been at this same morbid obesity level for at least 10 years now. Diet and portion control are not enough for me to lose weight. I need the exercise (walking, never gym) for the weight to come off. When I was younger, I was an avid hiker and bicycler. I have hiked all over the state of NC from the Appalachian Trail to Bear Island on the coast. My two sons said I could out hike them and they could not keep up. I even joined a gay hiking club for several years and met several significant others. I, too, hate my physical appearance and now all the problems associated with the obesity such as shortness of breath. My advice to you is to lose the excess weight now while you can still exercise, because the time may come as in my case, when you won't have that option. I know what you are struggling with, because I have been there and done that. Good luck and let me know if you need a periodic pep talk!

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    1. Thanks, David! I am working up a head of steam to get started. I know what I have to do, and you are correct: I need to do it while I can. I loved hiking (and have hiked and backpacked all over the east coast, from Maine to South Carolina, and miss it a lot! I plan on posting periodic updates here, the comments have been so supportive and helpful in dragging my head up into the sunlight again.
      Thanks again!
      Jay

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  20. So many good thoughts from others on this most painful post. Not to sound like Yoda, but there is no TRY, only DO or NOT. Diets never work. Our bodies will eventually get what they need one way of another. Over indulging is one thing, addiction is something else again. I've watched too many friends and family members slide into diabetes and eventually death because they "tried." You do or you don't. There is no magic bullet, nor a gun at you temple. You KNOW what you need to do. The choice is yours. Whatever you do will be the right choice for you.
    Cheers.

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    1. You are exactly correct, cajun. There are no diets, only lifestyle changes. Permanent ones. That's what so surprising about this to me. For 2 years, I didn't feel (or think) that I was dieting. I always enjoyed what I was eating, never felt hungry or deprived, and also enjoyed the time in the gym. What tripped that circuit breaker is what I am trying to figure out. I don't want my choice to be staying way too heavy, and physically miserable for whatever time I've got left on this rock!
      Thanks!
      Jay

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  21. Oh, avoid gluten free bread like its the very devil, cause it is. Its either heavy and dense and dry and yet somehow weirdly moist, or is full of non-food items. Just say no to store bought gluten free bread, yeah?

    Now, there is a brand of rice stuff, that can be baked, turning it into fabulous garlic "bread", or put on a waffle iron, or boiled like dumplings. Tis way tasty stuff, and there is only 2 ingredients, rice and water!

    http://www.grainaissance.com/mochi.html

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    1. I need to avoid gluten and wheat in general. Doc wants it out of my diet, for at least 3-4 months, then he says I won't want it any more. I am researching the whole thing, and I appreciate your contributions - I know what you've been through and how much healthier you are now that you are eating gluten free.
      Thanks!
      Jay

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  22. Here are some eating tips that work well for me for losing weight:

    - Eat meals early before you get hungry. Eat extra meals if necessary.

    - If you are hungry at mealtime, don’t eat until the hunger is gone. Just eat a reasonable small portion then wait. In 15-minutes or so any remaining hunger will fade away by itself.

    - Give up any soft drinks if you still drink them. For me coffee and water is all I need.

    - For a between meal snack that is filling, low calorie and healthy, I enjoy the ‘baby carrots’. These are perfectly sized finger food. They are nice and crunchy when cold from the refrigerator and I like the flavor. The Aldi store sells a one-pound package for 99¢ normally and frequently puts them on sale for 49¢, really inexpensive for what you get. I find four or five pieces to be a good amount to snack on.

    - Give up anything you can’t control. For me it’s ice cream, crunchy peanut butter, and Nutella. If I buy these, they disappear very quickly, I just can’t control myself with them. It’s better to just not have them in the house when I am trying to lose weight.

    - Good eating habits can be learned very quickly but it does take a little effort. Weigh yourself often and have an absolute maximum point you don’t want to exceed. For me (at 6’ tall) it’s 180 pounds. I weigh twice a day, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If my weight is increasing and I’m about to hit 180 pounds, I switch back into the ‘lose weight’ mode and keep at that until I’m below my limit by at least a few pounds.

    - These things work for me, your results may differ.

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    1. Thanks, anon. I'm pretty familiar with all this, it's the getting motivated part that seems to be so hard. But everyone here has been so supportive, I think it's dragging my head up into the sunlight again. I sure hope so.
      Thanks again!
      Jay

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  23. Ugh! Your story is so like mine. Plus, I have my 50th class reunion this Oct. If I left off bread, I would leave off pbj and so many other things I should not eat in excess. And, I just put on some brownies to bake. I poured a pint of milk to eat with them. I am hopeless some days.

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    1. I had a church youth choir reunion last summer. It was tough to be there, but I was 40-odd pounds lighter, so it wasn't awful. According to my doctor, wheat - all wheat - contributes to hyperglycemia - high blood sugar. Badly. I am looking for alternatives. I don't drink cow's milk. Only almond milk. Less fat, no lactic acid. Brownies can be good if you use raw sugar, things like that. I am hopeless most days, so I sure get you!
      Jay

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  24. Gosh do I feel this. I've been thin my whole life and recently gained quite a bit of weight due to emotional eating after a trauma. Sometimes it can feel like those pounds will NEVER come off, but it's all math: calories in, calories out. You really can do this if you set your mind to it.

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    1. I read about the trauma. I get that. I put all this on after trauma. I agree, it's all math. But learning to add and subtract can, in my case at least, be tough. Thanks for your support. You know you've got mine, too.
      Jay

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  25. I can relate a little... I am somewhat overweight but I just found out that I have really high cholesterol and may be pre-diabetic. I haven't even told anyone in my family because I know they will think I did it to myself from eating junk food and not getting enough exercise. I've tried to start eating healthier, by drinking less soda and eating oatmeal for breakfast and stuff... but then all of the sudden I will eat 6 chocolate chip cookies and feel awful about it.
    Also, isn't Dear Abby dead? Or is she still giving advice from BEYOND THE GRAVE???

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    1. Cholesterol, according to my doctor, is NOT a good indicator of heart disease. He took me off statin drugs a long time ago. Pre-diabetic is what I am fighting now, so yeah, diet counts a lot!

      Diet is the key. Less (=no) meat, more veggies, no wheat...and all that.

      Wheat is bad...has to do with blood sugar.

      And Dear Abby is deceased, her daughter is now offering her advice.

      Peace <3
      Jay

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  26. Jay, there have been a lot of comments, and I may not have much to add, but I felt I needed to. I too have snuggled with my weight and for most of my life. I have only once been able to get down to nearly my ideal weight, but I still wasn't happy with my body image. Also to do so, I kept my caloric intake to between 1000-1200 calories a day and was exercising 2 hours a day, six days a week. I just couldn't keep up that pace. Now I am like you, I get home from work and I am exhausted. I don't have the time to workout and I don't have gym that's convenient. I'm making excuses though. As much as I hate my own body, I do nothing to change it. I do try to cook somewhat healthier though. If I had someone to workout with me and motivate me, it might be different and I might make more of an effort. But honestly, we need to try to accept ourselves for who we are. We did this as gay men, and we can do it with our weight.

    Sorry this comment comes so late, I've been incredibly busy the last few weeks.

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